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Hugh Laurie as House, Jennifer Morrison as Dr. Allison Cameron, Jesse Spencer as Dr. Robert Chase and Omar Epps as Dr. Eric Foreman. House's team treats a young professional baseball player with a bad kidney in the episode "Sports Medicine"
2005 FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY Credit: Michael Desmond/FOX
February 22, 2005
Writer / Director
John Mankiewicz & David Shore / Keith Gordon
Hank Wiggen, major league pitcher
How House gets involved
Wilson tells him about it and House says, "Beat the Yankees, and save the free world.... He was 17 and 7! His ERA was 2.1." Later House says, "Who shares my suspicions that the Yankees were somehow involved?"
Steroids. Then Addison's.
The privacy invasion / major ethical breach
House's report will say he treated Hank for Addison's and will not mention the marijuana.
The final diagnosis
Cadmium poisoning from the smoking of marijuana.
The clinic patient(s)
House is trying to leave the clinic early and Cuddy won't let him so he goes around the waiting room diagnosing patients:
"Uh, trouble with the leg?" He asks a woman. "When's the wedding? ...Not much time to fit into that pretty dress, and no time for practical shoe-shopping. You're running two miles a day further than you should be.... New shoes, less miles, and ex-nay on the afternoon Cokes, you're gonna look beautiful."
Turning to the next guy: "What's wrong with you?"
"I can't get my contact lenses out---"
"Out of what? They're not in your eyes.... you're trying to remove your corneas."
To the next guy: "What's wrong with you?"
"Uh, lately, my wife has noticed that----"
"Yeah, yeah. Symptoms, we're working on a personal best here."
"Numbness in my feet and hands, constipation---"
"...You're a dentist. Nitrous oxide poisoning, which means you're either dipping into your own supply, or you've got a bad valve in the office. Laughing gas rehab's probably more expensive than the plumber. Meanwhile, get yourself some B12."
Looking around: "Who's left?"
"I can't see--- Nah, I'm just screwing with you. It's a hangover, my English Lit prof. told me he'd fail me next time if I didn't show up with a doctor's note."
"Well, make friends with the dentist. He can give you a note, and maybe a little nitrous to take the edge off." [House leaves]
Cuddy: "You put him on Lupron."
Cuddy: "And, you told them it was like milk."
Cuddy: "Is there any way in which that is not a lie?"
House: "It's creamy. But, I had three reasons."
Cuddy: "Good ones?"
House: "Well, we'll see in a minute, I'm just making them up now. He lied to me first."
Cuddy: "Your mother did teach you two wrongs don't make a right."
House: "If he lies to me about not taking steroids, then I lie to him about not treating steroids, he's cured. Adds up for me---"
Cuddy: "Second reason."
House: "If I told him the truth, he wouldn't have taken the stuff."
Cuddy: "And if he told you the truth, what would this stuff do to him?"
House: "---Severe respiratory problems."
Cuddy: "Third reason."
House: "I wanted to eliminate the placebo effect."
Cuddy: "Excellent! You and your lawyer can write a paper."
House: "Which brings me to my fourth reason."
Cuddy: "I thought you said there were only three."
House: "I thought youd buy one of them."
House: "He's not gonna sue."
Cuddy: "Because his lawyer is a nice guy, who realizes it's unfair to blame us for ruining this kids hundred million-dollar career?"
House: "Good guess, but no. If the Lupron causes respiratory problems, it means he's not on steroids, which means theres something else wrong with him. And the choices, for that something else, are almost universally very bad."
House: "You're not putting him on the list."
Cuddy: "Your powers of deduction are breathtaking."
House: "You take a perverse pleasure at turning me down."
Cuddy: "It's what I live for. Once in a while, though, try to ruin my day. Ask me something I can say 'yes' to."
Scott Foley Guest-Stars; Executive Producer Bryan Singer in Cameo Role